Help

[Syro]

I know that none of you know who I am or care about me, but I need some help.

Over the past 2 years I've missed nearly 2 months (in total days) of high school (I'm a sophomore right now). I feel like I've failed everyone important to me. I can't even be around those people because I feel like I've destroyed all of their respect for me. I don't know what to do. I can't get anything done, and for the past year I've been suicidal because of it. I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do or where to go.

I'm posting here because I don't know what to do and I want to find advice wherever possible.
If you have any advice or anything else to say, please say it. 

ᴵ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ᴵ ᵈᵒᶰ'ᵗ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵇᵃᶰᶰᵉᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᵖᵒˢᵗᶦᶰᵍ ᵗʰᶦˢ⋅

[Exile]

why did u miss school

[AI]

I know that none of you know who I am or care about me, but I need some help.

I am glad you have spoken out.  Whether or not you will get the needed support is another matter, but it is important not to close yourself in.

Over the past 2 years I've missed nearly 2 months (in total days) of high school (I'm a sophomore right now).

Get back to school, occupy yourself in some project or improvement goal that you personally find interesting or important and focus just on it, and muster it through without worrying much about anything else.  If people around do not give a damn in what you care about, then they are not worth you caring about them or what they think about you.

I feel like I've failed everyone important to me. I can't even be around those people because I feel like I've destroyed all of their respect for me. I don't know what to do. I can't get anything done, and for the past year I've been suicidal because of it. I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do or where to go.

This is a low self-esteem problem coupled with projected impressions of negativity towards oneself.  What happens is you project onto others unrealistically high expectations of yourself in which to judge your actions or behavior.  With this, you have essentially created an infinite army of your own worst enemy: yourself.  In reality, you may find instead people who are more concerned about your well-being and are not actually so judgmental.

Open up to people around you.  Discuss, and learn to communicate your emotions so other can understand what you feel and support you.  This is not a small matter in any sense, and rest assured that there are those who understand how you feel.

[pants]

Its probably not the best place to be seeking help from, but all I could say is you would be better off speaking to a family member (direct or extended family) or your GP.

Strangers on the interwebs are only to be able to give you so much help without knowing your at a more personal level.

[Syro]

Thanks AI for the thoughtful response. I didn't think about the idea of projecting these ideas onto others, even though now it seems so blatantly obvious.

Its probably not the best place to be seeking help from, but all I could say is you would be better off speaking to a family member (direct or extended family) or your GP.

Strangers on the interwebs are only to be able to give you so much help without knowing your at a more personal level.

I'm aware that this isn't the best place to go, I just didn't know what to do.

why did u miss school

It started with me getting sick for about a week and a half. At the same time I was under a lot of stress because my robotics team had made it to the FTC Worlds competition and I needed to get a ton of stuff done for our autonomous mode (we ended up winning but I didn't get to go). I'd also been depressed due to me feeling as if I was worthless for what I was doing (I wasn't), and I also had other mental health issues. This lead to me leaving the team ("Team Axis" if you guys want to look it up), which didn't make me feel any better and lead to me having less confidence later on down the road.

So I started missing school because I felt I couldn't handle anything, and I was depressed. I pretty much missed the rest of the year and when the next year started, I started missing more days around November.




That last response was TMI probably.

[Vexon]

It's TF2, most of us have been through it. This is one of the reasons I quit...well, am still quitting. I'm about ready to sell my PC because of it. I am not responsible enough to be moderate, and I found that when I quit steam for 2 months once, my life got much better and I started being much more proactive. TF2 is an addiction and anyone who says otherwise is a liar! Suicide is not a joking matter, and AI is one of the greatest people in the entire world, listen to him.

Very surprised nobody has commented anything meme related on this, good job everyone.

[AI]

It started with me getting sick for about a week and a half. At the same time I was under a lot of stress because my robotics team had made it to the FTC Worlds competition and I needed to get a ton of stuff done for our autonomous mode (we ended up winning but I didn't get to go). I'd also been depressed due to me feeling as if I was worthless for what I was doing (I wasn't), and I also had other mental health issues. This lead to me leaving the team ("Team Axis" if you guys want to look it up), which didn't make me feel any better and lead to me having less confidence later on down the road.

So I started missing school because I felt I couldn't handle anything, and I was depressed. I pretty much missed the rest of the year and when the next year started, I started missing more days around November.

That reminds of the depression I went through while in grad school that took two years to overcome, even with the help of a psychotherapist.

The starting conditions were similar: I had initial stress conditions from overwhelmingly large projects and deadlines, then got knocked out for a while (almost died from a misdiagnosed appendicitis), then never got back on track to catch up on the workload, and eventually became so discouraged afterwards that all tasks seemed impossible to do -- even the easy ones, all due to a cycle of self-induced stress and self-devaluation.

The key to getting out of it was to not pre-occupy oneself with why's and what could've been, and just go pick up some small but meaningful project and finish it spectacularly to prove to oneself that one's own abilities are capable and respectable.  Then move on from there.

[Syro]

The key to getting out of it was to not pre-occupy oneself with why's and what could've been, and just go pick up some small but meaningful project and finish it spectacularly to prove to oneself that one's own abilities are capable and respectable.  Then move on from there.

I think I can do that. I recently started working on a map and maybe that will fulfill my need for accomplishment. Thanks 

[AI]

Keep us posted.  Feel free to use any resources [1] [2] to help get your map out there and played by others.

[protist ?]

Also an important thing (which it seems you've already realized) is that it's not a sin to need/ask for help. Find someone that you can trust (maybe a teacher/councilor at school) and ask for help. Other people can give you so much more perspective and help than you ever can if you keep everything bottled up inside yourself.

[catfoosh]

you should add AI because he sounds like a fuckin angel

[HyperDan]

you should add AI because he sounds like a fuckin angel

He's the father of God, of course he's an angel.
 

[ReMaXeD]

I've never been more proud of this community than I am right now.

Best of luck Syro; depression is a hard thing to beat, no doubt.  What helped me overcome it was not looking at the big picture, but working to improve my quality of life one step at a time.  If you can find someone to confide in on a week to week basis, I'd definitely recommend it.  It can help you set goals for yourself, as well as become motivation to complete them.  It's important to understand that it's a process, and know how easy it is to dwell on what you're not doing.  Take pride of your betterment, try to challenge yourself to build onto it.  I'm really glad you decided to reach out.  Hope my post was the slightest bit helpful.

[Syro]

Hope my post was the slightest bit helpful.

Anything helps

Thank you.

[John]

Missing 2 months of school is no problem, trust me. My friend missed the 2nd quarter almost entirely due to being sick during junior year, which is the worst time to be missing from school. He never stopped trying, though. In the end, he managed to get through with all his classes with an acceptable grade (A, B, since he wants to go to a top 10% uni).

Just keep working at it. No one is going to make you feel worthless because people care about you. Something small like missing deadlines or not doing some stuff isn't going to make people dislike you or anything. It's part of human nature to fail sometimes. In fact, people respect you more if you manage to come back up from a deficit. It shows that you are able to overcome the obstacles that life throws at you.

Your real friends don't judge you from what you do, but what you are. They may seem to be different towards you now because you yourself are different towards yourself. Get back to your old self, and your friends will too. Work hard in school, the next year and a half are going to be rough but it'll be worth it if you manage to get through it.

Depression is a hard thing to get through, but most get out of it eventually. If you need to go to a therapist, you may want to do so. A couple grand might make or break your future.

Just do what you need to do, we're here for you if you need us.