Jump_limp (the rockets are supposed to do that)

[wacky wallace]

Hey GAMERS. wacky wallace here  (no caps, no cap) and let me tell you; ever since I won the Tip of the HATS 2019 jump_kin race, and was rightfully crowned as the best soldier jumper to ever do it, I've received non stop questions asking me about the state of jump. I hear all the time "how jump is dying" and "people don't do jump the right way anymore" and "cant you do something wallace? please I'm begging you I haven't even gotten full on carpel tunnel and a communication disorder yet!!! jump cant die now!!!" So to hopefully alleviate some of these concerns, I would like the announce the release of my soldier map jump_limp!

To celebrate this massive happening, I'll have a quick q&a of some of my more commonly asked questions.

question: cant you do something wallace? please I'm begging you I haven't even gotten full on carpel tunnel and a communication disorder yet!!! jump cant die now!!! (this is what you all sound like btw, just so you know. its kinda an issue but its w/e)

answer: later smile

question: wait, so the rockets are actually supposed to do that???

answer: yep

question: Hey wacky wallace, you have great hair, what do you do with it?

answer: well hey thanks, so I have a 3 step system for hair care, starting with the products. I've looked around a lot, and found Redkin(tm) all soft conditioner and shampoo to simply do it better then anything else on the market. It restores damaged hair while giving it that shine and fullness I'm known for. Now I hear you, "i have a sensitive scalp, and other products really irritate and dry out my poor head". Well that sucks to be you now doesn't it, bedhead.

I like to start off with Redkin(tm) all soft shampoo, and massage my scalp in concentric circles starting near the top of your scalp, and moving outwards. This really helps open those pores and encourages hair repair and growth. I rinse the shampoo once finished, and immediate do the same with Redkin(tm)all soft conditioner, but I DON'T rinse it right away. Conditioner needs time marinate; really brings out the luster and shine in those locks, so instead I simply do the rest of my shower things, and at the end, rinse that conditioner off before toweling off. You want it to sit for at least 10 minutes, if not longer to get a decent effect.

Now you may be wondering what the 3rd step is? you dry your hair. that's it. great talk.

question: what is the best explosive jumping class?

answer: its demoman

question: do you even play demoman?

answer: no, soldier just sucks

question: so wait, I've heard about this "jump_limp" long ago...  isn't it a soldier map? in fact it says in the title of this thread that "rockets" (a soldier specific entity) are involved! with no mention of any "straight stickies" or anything that may clue us in to a demoman experience!! why are you making a soldier map if you think he sucks?

answer: un gato, one of the best to ever do it on the soldier class, currently has a video on youtube with 760,000 views (as of writing) and I really wanted to take advantage of this monumental amount of soldier exposure

question: hey can I see a picture of your dog?

answer: ya sure here, her name is lucy

question:Hey this map sucks! can you change it to not suck!

answer: fuck you bozo!! also maybe i dunno

question from a dog: why won't zike trickjump with generic?



anyway! thats the q&a!

[bshear]

i love your new jump map wacky wallace!

[mazlli]

why do they call you wacky, mr. wallace (trying to be respectful)
also big fan of you was wondering where you disappeared from very nice to see old jumpers returning to the scene

[wacky wallace]

why do they call you wacky, mr. wallace (trying to be respectful)
also big fan of you was wondering where you disappeared from very nice to see old jumpers returning to the scene

?

(A little fun fact for you all, this upside down question mark is a linguistic cornerstone of a couple languages including Latin American Spanish. It is the official stance of wacky wallace that any culture that uses the citrus fruit Limes in their cuisine is alright in my book. I would like this call this The Limes Lawnmower:any culture that uses Limes in their cooking is immediately deserving of a high level of respect, and those that don't , while not at all ruled out of banger culture food culture status, can have their lack of Lime based cuisine be used against them in an official cultural food tier list . This tool not only cleanly and effortlessly explains why I literally cannot stop eating tacos and pho, but also gives me yet another grounded reason to hate the french)

edit: It has come to my attention that my super duper cool upside down question mark response to mazilli was replaced by a much less cool rightside up question mark response to mazilli. This is yet even more undeniable evidence that jump is racist. My lawyers will hear of this.

[Lopez]

Mr. wallace, (no caps)

After suffering from chronic bedhead all my life, I felt I must reach out and offer my deepest thanks to you for generously sharing your secrets for luscious locks. You have truly set me on the road to recovery, and given me the tools I need to unleash the full beauty of my hair. So again, thank you.

[wacky wallace]

Mr. wallace, (no caps)

After suffering from chronic bedhead all my life, I felt I must reach out and offer my deepest thanks to you for generously sharing your secrets for luscious locks. You have truly set me on the road to recovery, and given me the tools I need to unleash the full beauty of my hair. So again, thank you.

no problem baldy!